Passport to hell!

If you ask the government who is Jayanth Madhav Barki, they'll first ask yo to write an application, give a list of twenty different documents to submit, and after making you go through a harrowing pillar to post run, and making you deal with light years of red tape tell you that I dont exist. Yes, I simply dont exist! I have no Passport/Pan Card/Voters Id/ Driving License/Valid college Id/Ration Card or any damn document you can think of. So I decided to prove my existence with a passport and a pan card.
The income tax department has not put up a single instruction on the net on how to get a PAN Card. So I called my uncle who is an IT official in Mysore to get the info. He asked me to go to Raheja Towers on MG Road, to get it done. Unfortunately the office had shifted from there to Old madras Road, and hence I had to go to the Income tax office on Queens Road to ask them if there was any alternate way of getting it done. (They never answer phone calls btw) There I came to know that they had an office in Jayanagar, where I live. Now when the Government does something that eases citizens problems, why cant they publicise it well? I can safely claim to be an intelligent and aware citizen (even though I drive without a licence!) and if I dont know this, then I can claim, there are at least thousands more who dont know these things! Anyway, On contacting the PAN Centre in Jayanagar (it is right next to Cosmopolitan club on the road connecting to Madhavan Park, btw, if you wanted to know) I was asked to give an ID proof and a Proof of Address. I gave my bank passbook in, and it was not accepted because it gives my name as Jayanth Madhav B and not JAyanth Madhav Barki, although it gave the right address. I could not believe it! I was asked to get a letter from a gazetted officer saying I am Jayanth Madhav Barki. Thankfully my uncle happened to be one, but nevertheless I was surprised when I thought of the plight of the people who do not know one! How the hell would they manage? And how annoying would it be for gazetted officers to keep signing peoples certificates rather than doing there own work. It really seemed like a rewind to the india of the licence quota permit raj. Anyhow, I managed to get the PANcard done. And now to the worst document of all time, my passport.
I bought a form and filled it in judiciously as per the instructions given at the back. I collected all the profs required. And I went to the Jayanagar main post office with the documents. I was made to wait for thirty minutes and then a lady turned up and looked at my form lazily (She still is more pleasant than my college clerks) And said: Apply after one year.

I was too shocked to even think! She said 'you haven't lived in your present address for more than one year, you cannot apply for a passport in K'taka'. I told her I live here, and explained that I am only a student and that a clause at the back of the passport form says that students must mention if they have stayed in hostels etc etc and the only thing she said was 'who checks all that. you shouldn't have mentioned it. Anyway, enquire in the passport office'. After a thousand desperate attempts I could get through to a lady in the office who said that I could apply with a leter from my college with a proof of address. My poor friend Shruti in Surat volunteered to go to the college to get it done. There after a treatment as described in the first paragraph she was told that it was not possible as I was a stdent no more. She told them that I did not need proof for being a student but for having been a student. Nevertheless, she was told to shut up and go back rudely. After this I decided to give in proof of having been in college with a photocopy of my ID card and apply. I went to Bangalore one where I got the Gazetted officer shit again, so I in a fit of anger bought a new form, filled it in with details excludin Surat and I gave it in.
The lady at the post office took her own time again, this time to tell me that I had to give my engineering 7th semester marksheet in, as ECNR Proof. I had already given my 10th Grade pass Certificate, but she refused to accept it as ECNR Proof, even though all applicants above matriculation are eligible for ECNR. Anyway, this was the fourth time I had been sent back from the post office and determinedly I came back a fifth. This time I was told that my passbook would not be accepted as a proofof address without a letter from the bank manager. Number five. I camt back with phone bills to prove my residence. I was sent bak again. It was three five. It seems the form verification closes at three. BTW, the board outside the PO reads five. Nevertheless I came back the next morning, and found a gentleman sitting at the counter, waiting for the lady. It seems he had been sent back eight times. He told me we also needed to buy a special envelope which I promptly did. Apparently they dont sell envelopes without the forms, so if you want the envelope, you HAVE to pay an unneessary ten bucks for the form. I was too frustrated to care. When my turn came, the lady refused t accept my tenth standard pass certificate. She insisted on the marks card. I have no clue WHY she insisted on that. She also cursed CBSE and ICSE for issuing markscards that did not look similar to SSLC ones (LOL!!) And after I had done all this she asked me to give two more photos in. The form clearly says a total of THREE are required, and when I gave two which were not the same ones as those on the passport form, no points for guessing, I was sent back. When I returned with the photographs, I was yelled at again for writing Engineer in my profession.
I explained he reasoning to her
1. I am not a student because right now I do not attend classes at any educational institution.
2. I am not an engineer because I still havent joined the company which has recruited me, but I do have my appointment order.
3. I am not unemployed, because, simply, I am employed.

When she could not find any counter arguement for this, she told me that the cops would take care of me accordingly.
Anyway, my friend N, told m some simple facts.
If everything about you is perfect the cop takes Rs 100 to certify it.
If there is some room for doubts, be prepared for the bribe to go up to Rs 300
In my case it seems I can expect the amount to go up to Rs 500.

Big deal. 500 bucks to get out of this country does not seem too much. Ha.

Moral of the story. If you are born an Indian you die one. Theres no escaping it. They simply do not want to give you a passport !!

PS;You know I can get into trouble for this right, if the cop happens to google me out! so read on!!


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DISCLAIMER: All the details of harassment/lies etc., infact any details, do not have an ounce of truth in them and are completely disgusting lies. Any resemblance of any fact or information or happening to any citizen of India is completely unintentional and purely ficitious. :)
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